Name: Living apart together.
Age: At least since Victorian times.
Appearance: Separate beds, busy loins.
Living apart together? Is that where you share a home with your partner, but you’ve become so emotionally estranged that you can feel your connection eroding on a daily basis? No. Why?
No reason. Carry on! It’s the opposite. Couples who live apart together remain a couple, but each has their own home.
That doesn’t sound very romantic. Or maybe it’s the most romantic thing ever.
How’s that? They’re constantly having it off, for one.
Are they? Absolutely. A recent study in the journal Andrology tracked 5,000 men to see how often they had sex. It found that men who lived with a partner managed it once or twice a month on average. Those living apart? Three to seven times a month.
And why is this? It might have something to do with the data. The study included several young men in relationships who hadn’t moved in with their partners yet.
Ah, so before the deadening familiarity of their partners destroyed their libido for good. Listen, is everything OK?
Perfectly fine! Carry on! Anyway, it isn’t just that. Researchers suggested that it might be down to cohabiting men letting themselves go a bit physically. They get comfortable and sedentary, which negatively affects their sexual activity.
So living apart will make me have more sex and look better? I’m not sure that’s the exact message, but living apart together is more common than you’d think. It’s estimated that one in 10 long-term couples do it.
Well, it seems to work. But ask yourself this: does the possibility of having sex a few extra times a month justify the financial burden of owning and keeping two households instead of one?
Yes, yes it does. I suppose it does keep the mystery alive. It takes work to remain sexually invested in someone who you have seen pick their toenails.
There’s nothing sexier than not being told you’re loading the dishwasher wrong. Exactly. Maintain separate residences and you only get to see your partner when you want to see them. There are fewer compromises to make, so your love will remain more pure.
Sounds like a no-brainer to me. Well, you’ll probably die young.
Wait, what? The researchers noted that men who live apart together are at higher risk of heart attack and stroke, the reason being that they don’t have a woman around to remind them to take their pills every day and eat healthily.
Do you ever get the sense that men might be their own worst enemies? Honestly, every single day.
Do say: “Darling, let’s sell the house and buy two studio flats.”
Don’t say: “He died doing what he loved: forgetting to take his blood thinners.”